BURN

so far two clinicals done in leadership and management in the Burn ICU at UCI Medical Center. i still havent decided whether or not i like the BICU but i am definitely seeing some interesting stuff. burns are probably one of the worst traumas to see and treat. its grossly disturbing and its definitely not for everyone. i was supposed to be only doing the leadership/mgmt part of the nursing unit but i helped out at the bedside too. i have NEVER seen anything like what i saw on those patients. most of the patients on the unit had 90 percent of their skin seered off. this means that some muscle and fascia were exposed. raw meat covered their entire body and their abdomen, fingers, arms, and legs were soooo swollen that surgeons had to cut open the skin to relieve the pressure from all the swelling. two of the patients swelled so bad in their um private areas that their scrotum were seriously the size of footballs. sorry for the gross picture but im not even exaggerating in the slightest bit. it looked extremely painful. i helped the nurses do hydrotherapy and when that is done, all the dressings on the burn victim are taken off, their skin is washed (painful), medication is put on, and new dressings are put on. during this time, it takes about 5 nurses to do this procedure and it puts so much pain on the patients because of the constant touching and moving. imagine when we get burnt on our finger from a flat iron and multiply that pain by like 500 million. thats how painful it looks. heartbreaking...

anyways, a boy who looked about 10 years old was brought in today for the fire starter program. apparently, in school, he had been getting in trouble for burning girls' hair. nurses brought him in to show him what could happen if the boy actually burnt the girls' hair and the whole body caught on fire. he came in with his older sister and visited the most critical patient in the unit. i think immediately he learned his lesson because he was bawling. but i mean, the nurses really pulled out all the stops on this kid. they had him talk to the family of the patient and had him look at pictures (which is sometimes a lot worse than seeing a patient). im glad the kid learned a very important lesson but i hope he wont be traumatized for life.

anyways, i was watching the car chase on the news right before writing this. some guy stole a car and put the CHP on a car chase for an hour and a half all around orange county and la. he was driving at 120 miles per hour according to the news and the whole time i was praying that he wouldnt hurt anyone or that there would be no car accidents. I DONT GET IT. why are people so dumb. why would they put other ppl's lives in so much danger for a stolen car. everyone knows hes gonna fail and go to jail eventually....

but, anyways, please all my friends, don't do anything stupid. be careful. the world is a scary place. please dont get caught on fire, please dont set other people on fire, please be careful when youre drunk, please practice safe sex, please dont do drugs, please be considerate, and please STAY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL. its scary and life is precious. be grateful.

mah jong

is RUINING MY LIIIIFEEE!!!! i've cleared it three times already and came close twice.. this is not exciting anymore, it's just sad!!! help!

bored!!

i dont know what to do with myself. i only have class mondays and weds so when im done with my hw i spend my time working out, watching tv, and playing mah jong on the computer. mah jong is like a drug!! its all ur fault helen!!!! anyways i play for hours. ive already cleared everything two times! TWO!! its sooo ridiculous. i know i should work ahead on my school work, but honestly who writes a 10 page paper one month before its due. i tried but honestly i cant do it unless im pressured to. i know im going to regret it in, o like 3 days, when my leadership rotation starts. but for now, mah jong rules my life. im being sooooo unproductive. someone needs to take me away from mah jong and away from the tv. grrrrrrrr i hope i get good grades...HA

mmm..

the tomato and pesto flatbread pizza from tj is soooooooo yummi!

before and after

Before

------------------------------------------------------------------------------>>After

gosh i can't believe i was that fat only a couple months ago. what happened? why did no one tell me??? i'm definitely smaller than before but there is still work to be done!!! ahh can u cringe? not cute AT ALL!!

embarrassing....

that is how i felt in ballet class today. when i came into the conservatory to pay for the class i specifically asked the lady up front if the class was the right level for me. she assured me that i would be fine so i thought nothing of it. i walk to the studio and there are like 6 other girls there. i start stretching and the teacher comes and class starts. the first 2-3 combinations i got alright. but after that, it went downhill. gosshhhh, i was soooo bad i like cringe when i think about it. i couldn't even comprehend the combinations the teacher was describing. there was no demonstration, just french word salad....i was soooo embarrassed. i couldn't even keep up! i had to look and copy the girl in front of me!!!! and this was after i asked her to switch with me so i COULD watch someone in front of me. omg it was the WORST experience of my life. the class obviously got progressively harder and i obviously got progressively worse. the other girls had their legs lifted in the air higher than their head, mine was lifted by my side closer to my waist....NOT pretty. they looked like swans....I looked like a duck!!!! then we did exercises across the floor. i think, o yes i love jumps and leaps. but nooooo. they do some complicated routine and i just stand there, a deer in headlights. anyways i lasted until the end of class....ALMOST. once they started turns, leaps, and jumps TOGETHER, i just walked out, head down, DEFEATED......

i was sooooo embarrassed you guys have noooooo idea. i was so bad and these girls were like professionals. the teacher wouldnt even look at me and help me. i was sooo bad. to top it off, all of the girls were ALL white, tall, and SKINNNY! o the world of ballet how i miss u!

I QUIT DANCING!!!!!!

FAILED

plans

so i was talking to my friend today about the future and she said that i was the only one she knew who had plans so far into the future. i dont think that having a plan for my life is bad but things never go according to plan. for example, in high school i had planned to have finished college by now, have a job, have a boyfriend, and to have accomplished many other things by this age. has any of that actually happened? i mean, i have done some of these things in my "plan" but i definitely have failed in more of my goals than succeeded. i just can't stop thinking about the future and how i want my life to be like but it is leading to more disappointment than anything. i need to start learning to live in the moment, in the present. i mean, i want to..my problem is that i THINK things should be a certain way. i think, "o im 22, i should have done this and this by now", but life isn't like the movies right? my life isn't supposed to be like someone else's right? i have to tell myself that my life is my own and that it's ok for life events to happen at different times that aren't dictated by society or other people. i try and keep on telling myself this but it's been years and honestly i haven't changed at all....